Why am I not independently wealthy?

This transition from getting paid every two weeks to getting paid monthly is going to be the death of me. Let me spell this out for you -- I CANNOT BUDGET. At all. Ever. No. Yes, this will be good for me. Yes, it will force me to be accountable for the money I spend. Yes, this means I'll have to think about things like when bills are due. Which, frankly? Is bullshit. I'm still going to suck at budgeting. Because numbers basically look like little meaningless scribbles to me. I got paid today and I'm already fiendishly planning how to spend it. I've gone about a month with absolutely no spending power whatsoever. How bad is it? I'm using crappy shampoo because it was either eat or replenish my shampoo. It was a toss-up, but clearly eating won out. The hair is bad, y'all, bad. Seriously, I really am going to try to keep a handle on my money. I'm going to resist a new wardrobe. And makeup. And an iPod. Well, mostly. I'm definitely going shopping, but I will limit myself. Yes, I will. I so will. I promise. Mostly. This wouldn't be a problem if things had gone according to my 13-year-old plans. I'd be a millionaire author living in Paris. I'd smoke cigarettes out of those long holders while reclining on chaise lounges with one mirabou tufted slipper hanging langorously from my perfectly manicured toes. I really should be independently wealthy by now. Something has gone terribly wrong. It's hell to have an active imagination and be the laziest person in the world.