After all this southern, high falutin', we only use the good china business, I thought I ought to share another story that will make you all ("all" -- like there are a lot of you who read this? like I have fans or somethin? get over yourself, Gypsy) more aware of the duality of my personality. Because, yeah, you care. So, instead of the whole mint julep on the porch bullshit, I'll tell you about the time the cleaning service found my vibrator.
When I lived up north-ish, my mother was coming for a visit. I've already said before that visitors send me into a whirlwind of cleaning frenzy. But when mom comes to visit? Oh, forget it. I call in the pros. Because I know there's no way in hell my cleaning is going to be up to her standards. The times I've just tried to clean on my own in preparation for her arrival were dismal failures. The minute she arrived she said, "This place is a mess" and started cleaning. I'm only slightly kidding.
So, I hired a service. I cleaned for the service, because this is what you do. I don't want even strangers to know how I really live, so I put away all the incriminating evidence. The porn goes back in the cabinet, the... paraphernalia gets put away, I straighten and throw stuff out.
This time I told the service just to clean the common areas and leave the bedrooms alone. I even put a note on the bedroom door telling them not to clean in there.
What do you think happened? Oh, totally. They cleaned in there. Of course! And what do you supposed was sitting right out there in front of God and Merry Maids? King Tut. The horror!! And it's not like they could have missed it. No. If they went in the room (and they did) they saw Tut sitting out in all his pink, robotic glory hanging out on my bedside table. And it's entirely possible they saw the lube and the "toy chest" containing the 37 or so other ... marital aids. I know right now in a computer at a cleaning service in Annapolis there is a note under my name saying, "Beware -- client is a pervert."
And it is so true.
After all this southern, high falutin', we only use the good china business, I thought I ought to share another story that will make you all ("all" -- like there are a lot of you who read this? like I have fans or somethin? get over yourself, Gypsy) more aware of the duality of my personality. Because, yeah, you care. So, instead of the whole mint julep on the porch bullshit, I'll tell you about the time the cleaning service found my vibrator.
When I lived up north-ish, my mother was coming for a visit. I've already said before that visitors send me into a whirlwind of cleaning frenzy. But when mom comes to visit? Oh, forget it. I call in the pros. Because I know there's no way in hell my cleaning is going to be up to her standards. The times I've just tried to clean on my own in preparation for her arrival were dismal failures. The minute she arrived she said, "This place is a mess" and started cleaning. I'm only slightly kidding.
So, I hired a service. I cleaned for the service, because this is what you do. I don't want even strangers to know how I really live, so I put away all the incriminating evidence. The porn goes back in the cabinet, the... paraphernalia gets put away, I straighten and throw stuff out.
This time I told the service just to clean the common areas and leave the bedrooms alone. I even put a note on the bedroom door telling them not to clean in there.
What do you think happened? Oh, totally. They cleaned in there. Of course! And what do you supposed was sitting right out there in front of God and Merry Maids? King Tut. The horror!! And it's not like they could have missed it. No. If they went in the room (and they did) they saw Tut sitting out in all his pink, robotic glory hanging out on my bedside table. And it's entirely possible they saw the lube and the "toy chest" containing the 37 or so other ... marital aids. I know right now in a computer at a cleaning service in Annapolis there is a note under my name saying, "Beware -- client is a pervert."
And it is so true.
7 Comments:
*snort* Always the way isn't it?
I got home from a vacation once and opened my suitcase to find a love note from the TSA telling me they had searched my bags. My Rabbit was hidden away among my clothes. I'm positive that's the reason they searched it. I KNOW I'm in some computer in Washington...
Hi other Megan! Oh, and I'm here via Michele today.
lol, that's hilarious but it's their own fault for not listening
Hilarious! That will teach them :)
I also LOVE this story, so cute!
Embarassment is my middle name, I understand more than you know.
My husband and I got married last summer..and I was horrified to find my grandmother walking through our garden starring (like for 10 minutes) at the huge marijuana plant (that I thought blended in so well) that my husband was growing as an 'experiment' (seriously, if it wasn't illegal I would be so proud of him...he was reading gardening books and actually studying up on how to make it better, greener... should I be worried? needless to say no more gardening for him this year! experiment over)
I'm pretty sure she didn't figure it out...but the WHOLE rest of the family did....and boy we are never going to live that one down.
First the tootsie roll thing, now this...you are cracking me up! They probably search for contraband like that. No wonder they're Merry! Thanks for stopping by yesterday!
Why does every cleaning service on the planet have to hire people who can't follow simple directions?
Then again, if they were rocket scientists, they'd be building rockets.
On the bright side, you likely gave them a thrill they won't soon forget.
OMG. that was hilarious. but you know what i would tell myself? they have seen worse, i bet. you probably egged them on with the note. i know it would have piqued MY curiosity.
"37 or so"? really?? wow. you've got me beat. you should give us some recommendations!
and don't feel bad about cleaning up before the maids come over. i would totally do that. i don't even like people to see my room. it is seriously disgusting. always looks like a hurricane just came through. i usually shove all my crap into the closet and shut the door!
this is why i ALWAYS put away my vibrator IMMEDIATELY after using it.
and also why it never goes on trips with me, megan!
Post a Comment
<< Home